Q: Do I have to kill the snake?
A: University guidelines state that you have to “defeat” the snake. There are many ways to accomplish this. Lots of students choose to wrestle the snake. Some construct decoys and elaborate traps to confuse and then ensnare the snake. One student brought a flute and played a song to lull the snake to sleep. Then he threw the snake out a window.

Q: Does everyone fight the same snake?
A: No. You will fight one of the many snakes that are kept on campus by the facilities department.

Q: Are the snakes big?
A: We have lots of different snakes. The quality of your work determines which snake you will fight. The better your thesis is, the smaller the snake will be.

Q: Does my thesis adviser pick the snake?
A: No. Your adviser just tells the guy who picks the snakes how good your thesis was.

Q: What does it mean if I get a small snake that is also very strong?
A: Snake-picking is not an exact science. The size of the snake is the main factor. The snake may be very strong, or it may be very weak. It may be of Asian, African, or South American origin. It may constrict its victims and then swallow them whole, or it may use venom to blind and/or paralyze its prey. You shouldn’t read too much into these other characteristics. Although if you get a poisonous snake, it often means that there was a problem with the formatting of your bibliography.

Q: When and where do I fight the snake? Does the school have some kind of pit or arena for snake fights?
A: You fight the snake in the room you have reserved for your defense. The fight generally starts after you have finished answering questions about your thesis. However, the snake will be lurking in the room the whole time and it can strike at any point. If the snake attacks prematurely it’s obviously better to defeat it and get back to the rest of your defense as quickly as possible.

Q: Would someone who wrote a bad thesis and defeated a large snake get the same grade as someone who wrote a good thesis and defeated a small snake?
A: Yes.

Q: So then couldn’t you just fight a snake in lieu of actually writing a thesis?
A: Technically, yes. But in that case the snake would be very big. Very big, indeed.

Q: Could the snake kill me?
A: That almost never happens. But if you’re worried, just make sure that you write a good thesis.

Q: Why do I have to do this?
A: Snake fighting is one of the great traditions of higher education. It may seem somewhat antiquated and silly, like the robes we wear at graduation, but fighting a snake is an important part of the history and culture of every reputable university. Almost everyone with an advanced degree has gone through this process. Notable figures such as John Foster Dulles, Philip Roth, and Doris Kearns Goodwin (to name but a few) have all had to defeat at least one snake in single combat.

Q: This whole snake thing is just a metaphor, right?
A: I assure you, the snakes are very real.

— "The Snake Fight Portion of Your Thesis Defense" by Luke Burns (via inevitablerecursion)

(via meejit)

thisisurheichouspeaking:

Art dump part 4
okay story time
so my art teacher assigned us to do a chalk pastel still life of fruits n shit and I was like “no”
so I drew a banana instead.
and my teacher came by like “you need to have more than one fruit in your still life”
so I was like “k”
and so I put that cherry on top of the banana and titled it “Banana Split Without The Ice Cream Because Life Is Full Of Disappointments: By Fall Out Boy" and I turned that shit in.
My art teacher just started laughing out loud in the middle of class

thisisurheichouspeaking:

Art dump part 4

okay story time

so my art teacher assigned us to do a chalk pastel still life of fruits n shit and I was like “no”

so I drew a banana instead.

and my teacher came by like “you need to have more than one fruit in your still life”

so I was like “k”

and so I put that cherry on top of the banana and titled it “Banana Split Without The Ice Cream Because Life Is Full Of Disappointments: By Fall Out Boy" and I turned that shit in.

My art teacher just started laughing out loud in the middle of class

(via linguisticjubilee)

asapscience:

Lethal doses of common chemicals via Compound Interest. 
Wanna learn more about water intoxication and whether or not it could happen to you? Watch our video on the topic. 

asapscience:

Lethal doses of common chemicals via Compound Interest

Wanna learn more about water intoxication and whether or not it could happen to you? Watch our video on the topic. 

(via candidlycara)

phlurp:

My friend claimed he could play Flight of the Bumblebee and accompany himself. Then he did this.

(via ironfries)

cecilgpalmer:

i had a dream last night that i was working at starbucks and steve rogers walked in and ordered an iced americano and i said “one iced americano for the iced americano" and then i woke myself up by laughing too hard at my own joke

(via flatbear)

hellscabanaboy:

kismetjeska:

#in which Bruce Banner finally finds somebody who isn’t afraid to kid around with him #because he has a sense of humour after all #’i’m sorry, that was mean’ anyone? #but everybody tiptoes around him because ‘oh shit, he’s a monster’ #but then he meets Tony #someone who’s not afraid to be around him #someone who might actually be a friend #and that means so much to him and permeates so deep that even when he’s the fucking Hulk he still wants to save Tony’s ass #because by not treating the Hulk like a monster, Tony stopped him from being one

#SCIENCE BRO FEELS

#because by not treating the Hulk like a monster, Tony stopped him from being one

(via candidlycara)

If you were a computer-loving male child who took a lot of shit from your peers, I suspect you heard something similar from the adults in your life. Maybe it was “Sure, things are bad now, but when you’re a little bit older, women will LOVE guys like you!” Or maybe it was “That kid who makes fun of you now will be working at a gas station when you run a big fancy computer company and marry a supermodel!” If you were once young, nerdy and male, it is not unlikely that your future sense of self-worth was funded with a non-consensual IOU from the world’s women. It’s taken me a long time, but at this point I genuinely believe that much of this “GEEKS SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH” rhetoric is little more than patriarchy’s bespectacled wingman. It excuses the pain that systems of power exert on children by promising little boys future dominion over little girls. It is deeply and massively fucked.

What (Else) Can Men Do? Grow The Fuck Up. — Medium (via imamandanelson)

oh my god this…

(via beingruth)

Are computer-loving female children fed these same lines? Are they told “SOME DAY YOU WILL HAVE ALL THE MONEY AND POWERS AND MEN WILL FLOCK TO YOU LIKE AUTONOMY-DEPRIVED MAN-ZOMBIES?” If you insist that the presence of enough computers magically transforms the world into a meritocracy, you might want to think about that one for a second.

(via cleolinda)

(via upworthy)

coelasquid:

deformutilated:

Fudge recipe on a headstone

I feel like I should make this just to be able to say a dead person taught me how to make it. Maybe I’ll do it for Halloween.

coelasquid:

deformutilated:

Fudge recipe on a headstone

I feel like I should make this just to be able to say a dead person taught me how to make it. Maybe I’ll do it for Halloween.

(via linguisticjubilee)

itriedthatonceitwasabadmove:

So this morning someone stole this entire boat

image

because they wanted to go to West Seattle.

HOW FAR AWAY IS WEST SEATTLE FROM THE CLIPPER DOCKS???

image

I have a new favorite pirate.

(via galacticdrift)